Letters for Luca

I've been writing letters for Luca since she was born, different subjects, funny stories, things I may not remember but want her to know. This is one of the more recent ones and I thought I'd share it since many people have asked how things are going and many people have been an encouragement to me in my walk.

On Worry & Stubbornness:

Dear Luca,

A strong will when channeled correctly can be a great thing. However, when it invades your spiritual life, it causes problems. Case in point: me.

My stubbornness usually translates into a mantra that goes something like this: “I can handle it” or “I’ll work it out” or, sometimes, “I’ll deal with it later”. Every one of those may be fine if we’re talking about laundry or math problems but I find myself using the same survival techniques during trials. The thing is, they don’t work! At all. The past few months, I’ve been made more aware of this sin in my life and it hasn’t been pretty.

As I write this, we have no home of our own, your Daddy is looking for a new job, our budget is small and tight, we have absolutely no idea where we might be in the next six months. In addition, there are a myriad other issues that I won’t list but cause me no small amount of stress. If I allow my mind to dwell on these things, I quickly become overwhelmed, scared and worried. This is the point, where by habit I would insert one of my “I” mantras but instead, God is changing my heart, my will, my stubborn self.

When I feel worry setting in, I’ve begun quoting Phillipians 4:6-7, my new mantra, to myself; “Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” I memorized this verse when I was a little girl but never have I needed to apply it more! After I recite it, I meditate on what these truths mean for me right now.

“Be anxious for nothing”-stop worrying!
“But”- here’s what I need to do instead.
“in everything”- nothing’s too small
“by prayer”-just talking to God!
“and supplication” –I’m commanded to ask things of Him!
“with thanksgiving” –remember all of the blessings and His faithfulness and be grateful.
“let your requests be made known to God” –I can ask anything
“And”- the result of my obedience
“the peace of God” –the only real and lasting peace
“which surpasses all comprehension” – it does!
“will guard” – protect me from fear and anxiety
“your hearts and minds” – all of me
“in Christ Jesus” – the only true, our only safe place.

My stubborn self still wages for the top hand. There are many times when worry inches in and the immediate needs of our family seem so big that I try to fix them in my own strength. I know this will be an ongoing battle for me but I believe that “He who began a good work in me, will complete it”.

My sweet baby girl, I pray that you learn early on to use your strong will to God’s glory; that you save yourself the heartache and anguish of trying to live on your own terms and under your own strength. And after you’ve read this, ask me about all of the good things that happened when we didn’t have a home or a job. And give your Daddy a hug and a thank you, God used him to anchor us both.

I Love You,
Mommy